Headlines and Punchlines

Here are a few things that are in the news right now:

• Strong Latin American sales boost Avon products INC. I think we all saw that coming when that old retired church organist moved into that Dominican neighborhood.
• That annoying Jersey shore girl has nude pictures of herself. Who the hell would want to see her naked? With all of that flab and the bright orange skin, I bet she looks like a jack-o-lantern under there.
• In an interview, Obama recently claimed that the Chinese yuan is greatly undervalued. When heard about this remark China answered back: "yes, this is true. But, it's still worth more than a baby girl".
• Indianapolis will delay its school day by one hour on Monday because of the Superbowl. That means that the children of Indianapolis will have one hour less to learn how to steal pies from window sills and catch catfish with their hands.
• A man was arrested for driving in the carpool lane with a mannequin in the passenger seat. He was sentenced to four months community service under the "Larry David-like schemes" act of 2003.