Last night I made my official return to the Boston comedy scene. I didn't even know it, but my go to place: The Tavern at the End of the World was holding a tournament. This four week “shit fest,” which is going to be held at the end of every month, is exactly what I needed to help motivate me. The winner of this 30 entrant tournament will receive a paid opening spot at a comedy club in the city. Round one was yesterday and I’ll find out if I officially passed through by tomorrow night. I’m not expecting to win, but I want to see how far I can go. To say the least, my set last night was quite good. I was completely nervous, more so than I had ever been. They had judges, of course. They trashed the 8 guys who went on before me, but basically gushed over my set. I personally think I sucked. I was so noticeably nervous, you could tell in my voice. Here’s my full set, tell me what you think:

“Hey how about that tiger woods? He really hit himself into a sand trap, huh?,” then I did five minutes of funny faces, and then I referenced two movies that are about 15 years old.

Pure Gold! Of course, I’m kidding, that wasn't my set. Being funny on stage is different from being funny in everyday life. These people don’t like you and they don’t care about you. You have to make them.

I don't have a shot at winning, but I could make it to week three.

Yup, spring break and I’m at home blogging like a 400 pound shut in. I deserve to be bullied on Facebook for all of this. I should be in Los Cabos right now getting shit faced and on a beach. Praying that the lump in some chick’s neck isn't an Adam’s Apple.
I should be out stimulating the Mexican economy. I always find it amazing that Mexico’s whole economy is pretty much based on these two weeks. I find it remarkable that a country can produce its whole Gross National Product by selling margaritas and the “morning after pill” for a few days in March.

The other day I saw this news story about how kids in little league are prone to many different kinds of injuries. Yes, I’m aware it’s not a new thing, kids have always been getting hurt playing sports. But it seems that the dangers are greater than ever. Many people blame the parents and yes, some parents push there kids way too hard. Good job, you want your son to be the best pitcher out there, so you get him a radar gun for his 10th birthday. What are you going to get him for his 11th,Tommy John surgery. Youth sports have always been overrated to me. I never played any as a kid, mainly because I had (and still have) all the grace of a dyspraxia patient and the motor skills of Morrie Schwartz.
A lot of the parents blame the coaches of these pee wee teams, which I think is totally ridiculous. There was this one lady who said that the main problem was that the coaches have no knowledge of exercise science and bio mechanics, really? You mean to tell me that the guy, who coaches the team sponsored by Artie's Hardware and Locksmith, doesn't have a sports medicine degree from Tufts? Lombardi’s Pizzeria doesn't check for their coaches background in ACL repair? No little league coach is going to show a bunch of 8 year olds how to throw curve balls. If they do, the kids arms are going to look like Jim Abbot’s. Their muscle tissue is going to look like overcooked rigatoni.

Mundane Night War

The main event for Monday night’s episode of TNA Impact was Hulk Hogan and Abyss vs. A.J Styles and Ric Flair. Apparently Hogan came out of retirement to debut his new gimmick: father of a shitty family. The man absolutely makes me sick. Ric Flair is no better. This guy couldn't even stay retired for two years. He just had to go back to wearing that stupid transsexual entrance robe and he had to go back to doing that dumb multiple sclerosis patient walk he does before landing a knee drop.
Sure, RVD is back and I like the Angle/Anderson feud, but the center piece was this old timer bullshit. I heard at the next Pay-Per-View, Flair and Hogan are going to wrestle in the first ever "colostomy bag match". The first one to have it fall out while performing a suplex looses. Actually I heard they where going to wrestle a submission match where instead of tapping out, they have to give up by pressing their “Life Alert” medical bracelets. But most of all, fuck me for watching this shit, I’m an adult.