Spring Movie "Preview". Part 1

Well, I 'v finally decided to do a spring movie preview. There's a lot of bullshit coming out in the next few months and I think that it's the perfect opportunity to take a look at what's about to be thrown at us. Here is part one of series of previews for a few movies that I don't think I would ever go and see.

The first film up is Date Night starring Steve Carrell and Tina Fey. Finally, these two are together in a movie! Yuck. If only this movie was filmed in a cavern in Northern Afghanistan and released exclusively on Al-Jazeera.

The dip-shits at entertainment weekly actually said that they were excited to finally see these two together as a comedy duo. Here are a few comedy duos better than these two idiots:


Joseph Goebbels and Heinrich Himmler were a better comedy duo.

Chris Brown's right and left fists were a better comedy duo.

Childhood obesity and literacy rates are a better comedy duo.

Amy Bishop and her husband look like fucking Bob Hope and Bing Crosby compared to these two.

The plot of the story is about being married and being in a rut. So, to get out of it, the lady who added nothing to SNL and the man who should be convicted of rape for what he did to Rickey Gervais' office manager character, go out on a date.


It's a good thing that a case of mistaken identity causes them to go on an adventure and not finish their date. I don't think I (or anyone else) would be able to handle a sex scene with these two. You know, some God awful experimental sex/role playing thing that married people do to get out of a rut. The world isn't ready for Tina Fey to be dressed like a viking, squatting over Steve Carrell, while he has on one of those terrible 1920s style bathing suits, lying down on a bunch of spread out garbage bags.


The Next film is Death at a Funeral. This film is a remake of a 2007 British comedy. It was originally a British "black" comedy and now it's just...well...a black comedy. That's right. Think of every black actor and he is probably in this. Where the hell was the casting for this film done? The after party at the source awards? Actress/comedian Lisa Lampanellie's vagina?


I understand that there was a smidgen of race injected into that last series of jokes. I'm not so much concerned about what the average person might say to me. I am concerned that Disney might sue me for stealing their bit.


Regardless, I like the comics in it, but this movie is not for me. The British version was o.k. and the overall plot is actually good. Chris Rock's (the lead) dad died and at the funeral all this dirt starts coming up about his father.

It's made for a particular audience and it is going to certainly cash in on it.

Now we get to I Love You Phillip Morris. The only thing that I know about this movie is that Jim Carry plays a gay con man in jail and Ewan McGregor is his lover. I hate Jim Carry and the only thing that would make me watch this is if this guy (see picture) was his cell mate instead. I bet it would be pretty hard for Ace Ventura to talk out of his butt after a visit from him.